Time Bomb

Taylor has been off medicine for about a month now. I knew as soon as she was gone from home for any length of time she would stop taking care of herself. Unfortunately, I was right.

She isn't eating, isn't sleeping, and refuses to go to the doctor to get her medicine. I can't force her to do it so I just have to sit back and watch her life unravel. And it is doing so, little by little, day by day. She went to the ER yesterday for a headache she has had for three days. She is in bed with it again today. She has called me about five times and during each one she has picked a fight with me. She keeps looking for a fight. She wants to go to the doctor but she has no car, no one to watch Kade, no money, etc. EVERY possible solution I give her she shoots down. It's like she wants to be miserable and isn't happy unless she has something to complain about.

I don't know what to do. I know she needs to take anti-depressants. She knows it too she just doesn't want to admit it. She acts completely irrational when she isn't taking them. Everything anyone says to her gets twisted around and she picks a fight.

She called a little while ago and asked me to talk to Kade. She does that quite often because hearing my voice calms him down when he is tired or cranky or just wants to talk to his Nonna. After I talked to him today, however, he started crying really hard. I asked her what was wrong with him and she said "I pushed him out of the way" .  I couldn't believe what I had heard. I instantly began to scold her and try to explain to her that you just don't do that to a baby. All the while, I hear my precious, angelic grandson crying like his heart is broken in the background. I asked her if she was picking him up "no".  I asked if she was going to "no".  At this point I am on the verge of losing it myself. She finally says something like she can't hear and hangs up the phone. I sit at my desk feeling completely stunned. Did that really just happen? Did she actually do something that heartless to that precious child just because she was in a pissy mood? I am sure she didn't hurt him, she just made him angry, but still. You just can't do that to a baby and expect good results.

I know I lost my temper with my kids when they were little but I don't believe I was ever MEAN to them, at least not when they were as young as Kade. I have been worrying about him all afternoon. I can't help but worry about what is going to happen tomorrow or the next day or the day after that. Is her behavior going to get even more erratic and unpredictable? Is she going to make Kade miserable too? I am so afraid  this beautiful, happy child who laughs, giggles and grins all of the time is going to turn into a bitter, resentful young boy if she continues on this path.

There is no talking to her when she is in these dark moods either. I just don't know what to do at this point. I am going to beg for Kade this weekend. She needs a break to get herself in order. Something has to change.

Please pray for Taylor and Kade. They need it alot.