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Monday, November 29, 2010
Diet Update
On a more positive note, even with the Thanksgiving holiday, I have lost 4 pounds since my first posting. It is slow going but at least it is going! Go me!!!!
I've Had ENOUGH
I haven't posted in a while. Thanksgiving was just too busy of a time. Cooking, cleaning, attending a funeral. So much to do. In the midst of all the busy-ness - my daughter's life continues to spiral more and more out of control. I wasn't going to post about this, but it is SO absurd, I just can't hold it inside.
Taylor's husband is an asshole. He is an unintelligent, uneducated, uninformed, inbred, redneck asshole. He treats her like shit all the time and she just sticks around for more and more abuse. It breaks my heart but I am helpless to stop it. Thanksgiving Day was the last straw for me. You aren't going to BELIEVE what he is accusing her of now.
They got into a fight over something stupid, as usual. I think it was missing car keys. She ended up coming to my house with just the baby. (thank God) He told her not to come back home. This has happened before so she was just giving him some time to cool off. She calls him after about an hour and he drops "the bomb" on her. He has "been thinking" since she had Kade that maybe Kade isn't really his baby. He wants a paternity test done. Forget about the fact that the baby looks EXACTLY like him, has his face, his hairline, his hair color. Forget about the fact that the baby looks EXACTLY like Ethan's baby pictures. Forget about the fact that Ethan signed the birth certificate without any questions being asked. NOW, after Kade has been alive for almost 9 months, he decides to drop this on Taylor. On Thanksgiving Day.
I tried to tell Taylor that he just does these things to make her miserable, but I hear her on the phone asking him if she can come home anyway. What the hell is wrong with that girl??? If it were me I would be telling him to f*** off (excuse my language) and have him sign the kid over. I sure as hell wouldn't be going back to him.
But, go back to him she did. And she is still there. She even tried to get her aunt to do the testing because she does that sort of thing. I swear I just don't get it. I DO NOT understand the mentality of someone who would allow themselves to be abused and manipulated like that.
I talked to Taylor this morning and she sounded heartbroken and miserable. She knows she shouldn't be there but she feels trapped. She told me regardless of what she does or where she goes she will be miserable. I worry about her so much and feel like I have completely failed her. I just don't know what to do.
She is not taking her medicine either, doesn't even have any. She is an accident waiting to happen. And Kade is trapped in the middle.
And I wonder why I don't sleep at night.
God please be with my babies. Both of them.
Taylor's husband is an asshole. He is an unintelligent, uneducated, uninformed, inbred, redneck asshole. He treats her like shit all the time and she just sticks around for more and more abuse. It breaks my heart but I am helpless to stop it. Thanksgiving Day was the last straw for me. You aren't going to BELIEVE what he is accusing her of now.
They got into a fight over something stupid, as usual. I think it was missing car keys. She ended up coming to my house with just the baby. (thank God) He told her not to come back home. This has happened before so she was just giving him some time to cool off. She calls him after about an hour and he drops "the bomb" on her. He has "been thinking" since she had Kade that maybe Kade isn't really his baby. He wants a paternity test done. Forget about the fact that the baby looks EXACTLY like him, has his face, his hairline, his hair color. Forget about the fact that the baby looks EXACTLY like Ethan's baby pictures. Forget about the fact that Ethan signed the birth certificate without any questions being asked. NOW, after Kade has been alive for almost 9 months, he decides to drop this on Taylor. On Thanksgiving Day.
I tried to tell Taylor that he just does these things to make her miserable, but I hear her on the phone asking him if she can come home anyway. What the hell is wrong with that girl??? If it were me I would be telling him to f*** off (excuse my language) and have him sign the kid over. I sure as hell wouldn't be going back to him.
But, go back to him she did. And she is still there. She even tried to get her aunt to do the testing because she does that sort of thing. I swear I just don't get it. I DO NOT understand the mentality of someone who would allow themselves to be abused and manipulated like that.
I talked to Taylor this morning and she sounded heartbroken and miserable. She knows she shouldn't be there but she feels trapped. She told me regardless of what she does or where she goes she will be miserable. I worry about her so much and feel like I have completely failed her. I just don't know what to do.
She is not taking her medicine either, doesn't even have any. She is an accident waiting to happen. And Kade is trapped in the middle.
And I wonder why I don't sleep at night.
God please be with my babies. Both of them.
Monday, November 22, 2010
One of Our Own
Sgt. Frank Loreto started at the Sheriff's Office about two years after me. He was from New York, a true Italian, and I immediately liked him. I was working in dispatch back then (15 years ago now) and we formed a friendship. I vividly remember answering the phone and hearing his "Hey it's Loreto, how you doin?"
Frank worked his way to Sgt and was a damn good one. The Sheriff had just decided to appoint him as Accreditation Supervisor when Frank found out he had pancreatic cancer. That was maybe a year ago.
Being young and of the feeling that you will live forever, Frank had no life insurance other than the $50,000 or so we get as employees. He has three children. The oldest is a Freshman in high school, the youngest about eight.
We immediately started raising money for his family and have done a pretty good job at it. All the while, Frank fought a battle that everyone had heard was a death sentence once received.
He was in and out of the hospital, problem after problem arising when his body lost its strength. He had to retire his position.
I will never forget the last time I talked with Frank. Sgt. Groves from Warrants had called my phone. Even though I don't work in the IT section of the SO, I am considered a computer geek by everyone I know. They were having problems with a print job and asked for help. When I got to his office Frank and his wife Katie were there. The print job was his retirement letter. They had gotten it completed just as I arrived and Frank was bent over signing it. I had never met his wife and was at a loss for words at this unbelievably solemn moment. I told Katie he looked well and we chatted for a minute.
Frank looked up and caught my eye. He opened his arms and gave me a hug. He told me thanks and I muttered an indiscernable "take care" and walked back to my second story office with tears streaming down my cheeks. I wish I had told him how awesome I thought he was and how much I treasured our "midnight chats" back when we were young, crazy and full of laughs. I wish I had told him but I am pretty sure he knew. Some things just never have to be spoken.
Frank Loreto, Sergeant, Hernando County Sheriff's Office, passed away on November 21, 2010. He is survived by his wife, three children and approximately 300 other family members who will never forget him and the things he brought to our lives and to our agency.
God received another awesome Angel in you Frank. Tell Scotty B we all said "hey". I can only imagine what you two will be getting into up there. You left us too young but our loss is definitely God's gain.
Rest in Peace my friend. All will be well here.
Frank worked his way to Sgt and was a damn good one. The Sheriff had just decided to appoint him as Accreditation Supervisor when Frank found out he had pancreatic cancer. That was maybe a year ago.
Being young and of the feeling that you will live forever, Frank had no life insurance other than the $50,000 or so we get as employees. He has three children. The oldest is a Freshman in high school, the youngest about eight.
We immediately started raising money for his family and have done a pretty good job at it. All the while, Frank fought a battle that everyone had heard was a death sentence once received.
He was in and out of the hospital, problem after problem arising when his body lost its strength. He had to retire his position.
I will never forget the last time I talked with Frank. Sgt. Groves from Warrants had called my phone. Even though I don't work in the IT section of the SO, I am considered a computer geek by everyone I know. They were having problems with a print job and asked for help. When I got to his office Frank and his wife Katie were there. The print job was his retirement letter. They had gotten it completed just as I arrived and Frank was bent over signing it. I had never met his wife and was at a loss for words at this unbelievably solemn moment. I told Katie he looked well and we chatted for a minute.
Frank looked up and caught my eye. He opened his arms and gave me a hug. He told me thanks and I muttered an indiscernable "take care" and walked back to my second story office with tears streaming down my cheeks. I wish I had told him how awesome I thought he was and how much I treasured our "midnight chats" back when we were young, crazy and full of laughs. I wish I had told him but I am pretty sure he knew. Some things just never have to be spoken.
Frank Loreto, Sergeant, Hernando County Sheriff's Office, passed away on November 21, 2010. He is survived by his wife, three children and approximately 300 other family members who will never forget him and the things he brought to our lives and to our agency.
God received another awesome Angel in you Frank. Tell Scotty B we all said "hey". I can only imagine what you two will be getting into up there. You left us too young but our loss is definitely God's gain.
Rest in Peace my friend. All will be well here.
Friday, November 19, 2010
DAY 1
Today begins Day 1 of my diet. I am cutting myself down to 1,000 calories a day. I can't exercise without pain so I have to do something to get this weight off.
My friend Ed downloaded this handy dandy Fitness Application on my IPOD that lets me track the nutritional information of everything I eat so I am logging EVERYTHING, down to every grain of sugar and salt.
I am entirely aware that the week before Thanksgiving is not the ideal time to begin a diet but I am TIRED of being this size. I am five pounds heavier than I was when I was ready to give birth to Aaron so something has to change. I can't stop taking my medicines or I won't be able to get out of bed. So - I will seriously cut back on my food consumption. It is the only logical choice - as Spock would say.
We will see how I do. Our lives are very active so it isn't going to be easy. William and the kids are very supportive of everything I try to do so I know they will help in any way they can. We are at State Band Competition all day tomorrow so it will be my first test.
That is all for now.
Peace out my friends.
My friend Ed downloaded this handy dandy Fitness Application on my IPOD that lets me track the nutritional information of everything I eat so I am logging EVERYTHING, down to every grain of sugar and salt.
I am entirely aware that the week before Thanksgiving is not the ideal time to begin a diet but I am TIRED of being this size. I am five pounds heavier than I was when I was ready to give birth to Aaron so something has to change. I can't stop taking my medicines or I won't be able to get out of bed. So - I will seriously cut back on my food consumption. It is the only logical choice - as Spock would say.
We will see how I do. Our lives are very active so it isn't going to be easy. William and the kids are very supportive of everything I try to do so I know they will help in any way they can. We are at State Band Competition all day tomorrow so it will be my first test.
That is all for now.
Peace out my friends.
My Britney Obsession
I know it has to be addressed. Most people find it confusing. Or offensive. Or just stupid.
I am obsessed with Britney Spears. Not just a little obsessed. COMPLETELY obsessed. Not quite as much as I used to be, but still pretty much captivated with her every move.
My boyfriend got me tickets to her Circus World Tour last year for Christmas hoping that if I saw her in concert I would calm down a little bit about her. It worked to a point. I no longer eat, sleep and breathe Britney but I do still obsess over her.
It didn't used to be this way. I actually used to think she was an idiot. I didn't like her voice and thought she was a bad influence on teenage girls. I liked some of her music, you have to admit some of it is QUITE catchy, but her voice was unimpressive to me. Her dancing however was phenominal. I have always loved dancing and greatly admired the way she moved.
As I grew older so did she. She went through some tough times in her life. One day I was watching television and they were covering her on some stalker show like TMZ or something. She had a look on her face like a scared rabbit and made a comment about being constantly harrassed and just wanting to be left alone. I started to take a closer look at Britney and her life. I realized that from the age of 8 she had never had a moment of privacy. EVERY move she made was in front of the camera. Her entire life was a story. Every photo taken of her was worth 10 times that of any other star. She was a paparzzi-magnet. She never got a moments peace. I started to pay closer attention to Britney's life. I started to feel sorry for her. I started to want to save her. I became obsessed with learning everything I could about her. I wanted to dance like her, dress like her, be her. I told everyone I would marry her if given the chance. This was the truth. And I didn't even mention the ROCK HARD body she totes around when she is working out properly. I mean, seriously people, have you seen it? I think I fell a little bit in love with Britney Spears.
It got to the point that I had more pictures of Britney on my MySpace back then than I did of my kids. That was the point I realized I had a problem. I started to tone it down a little. These days I admire at a "somewhat distance" trying to keep things under control. I haven't posted a new picture of her on facebook in a LONG time. That doesn't mean I don't look at them though. I'm not really sure I will ever get completely over her but I am trying.
Britney is making a lot of progress in her life as well. Her dad had to take over her entire life. Her finances, decisions, physical well being, everything. She completely fell apart. I have tried to think of what that would feel like as a person but I can't. I do however, know the personality type that would get to that point. I have a daughter who could very easily get to that point. I think that may be why I was so attracted to Britney in the beginning. I think I wanted to save her. I wanted to go to her, wrap my arms around her and tell her everything was going to be okay. It seemed to take forever for someone in her family to take that step.
Britney has proven that no amount of money in life can take care of the basics. You have to have family, you have to have love, stability and control of yourself. And no amount of money can make you happy.
I would probably still marry Britney if she asked me. But I would keep Bill too. And he would be okay with that. What guy wouldn't? :) :) :)
I am obsessed with Britney Spears. Not just a little obsessed. COMPLETELY obsessed. Not quite as much as I used to be, but still pretty much captivated with her every move.
My boyfriend got me tickets to her Circus World Tour last year for Christmas hoping that if I saw her in concert I would calm down a little bit about her. It worked to a point. I no longer eat, sleep and breathe Britney but I do still obsess over her.
It didn't used to be this way. I actually used to think she was an idiot. I didn't like her voice and thought she was a bad influence on teenage girls. I liked some of her music, you have to admit some of it is QUITE catchy, but her voice was unimpressive to me. Her dancing however was phenominal. I have always loved dancing and greatly admired the way she moved.
As I grew older so did she. She went through some tough times in her life. One day I was watching television and they were covering her on some stalker show like TMZ or something. She had a look on her face like a scared rabbit and made a comment about being constantly harrassed and just wanting to be left alone. I started to take a closer look at Britney and her life. I realized that from the age of 8 she had never had a moment of privacy. EVERY move she made was in front of the camera. Her entire life was a story. Every photo taken of her was worth 10 times that of any other star. She was a paparzzi-magnet. She never got a moments peace. I started to pay closer attention to Britney's life. I started to feel sorry for her. I started to want to save her. I became obsessed with learning everything I could about her. I wanted to dance like her, dress like her, be her. I told everyone I would marry her if given the chance. This was the truth. And I didn't even mention the ROCK HARD body she totes around when she is working out properly. I mean, seriously people, have you seen it? I think I fell a little bit in love with Britney Spears.
It got to the point that I had more pictures of Britney on my MySpace back then than I did of my kids. That was the point I realized I had a problem. I started to tone it down a little. These days I admire at a "somewhat distance" trying to keep things under control. I haven't posted a new picture of her on facebook in a LONG time. That doesn't mean I don't look at them though. I'm not really sure I will ever get completely over her but I am trying.
Britney is making a lot of progress in her life as well. Her dad had to take over her entire life. Her finances, decisions, physical well being, everything. She completely fell apart. I have tried to think of what that would feel like as a person but I can't. I do however, know the personality type that would get to that point. I have a daughter who could very easily get to that point. I think that may be why I was so attracted to Britney in the beginning. I think I wanted to save her. I wanted to go to her, wrap my arms around her and tell her everything was going to be okay. It seemed to take forever for someone in her family to take that step.
Britney has proven that no amount of money in life can take care of the basics. You have to have family, you have to have love, stability and control of yourself. And no amount of money can make you happy.
I would probably still marry Britney if she asked me. But I would keep Bill too. And he would be okay with that. What guy wouldn't? :) :) :)
Raven
And as the raven flies she feels unwelcome
She's fallen out of her tree and caught on a limb of silver lining
Her wings uncertain oh but she's still flying
Yeah little Raven I see you there
Hold your head up now
I won't try and pull your feathers out I promise
Go on dry your eyes
You know that I've forgiven you and I'm sorry
And everything till now
It wasn't that bad really
Beautiful lady
Why don't you fly with me
We'll have a chat and a cup of tea
And a long lost need to see who's really there
And you'll finally be okay with me
And I'll hear your stories
That fill your sad eyes
When you had raven hair
Hold your head up high
I know that I've been ruthless
I've been ruthless
Go on dry your eyes
You know that I've forgiven you and I'm sorry
And everything till now
It wasn't that bad really
Beautiful lady
Go on dry your eyes
Hey you finally see me - hi
And I see you
And everything till now
It wasn't that bad really
Beautiful lady
Go on dry your eyes
You know that I've forgiven you and I'm sorry
And everything till now
It wasn't that bad really
Beautiful lady
She's fallen out of her tree and caught on a limb of silver lining
Her wings uncertain oh but she's still flying
Yeah little Raven I see you there
Hold your head up now
I won't try and pull your feathers out I promise
Go on dry your eyes
You know that I've forgiven you and I'm sorry
And everything till now
It wasn't that bad really
Beautiful lady
Why don't you fly with me
We'll have a chat and a cup of tea
And a long lost need to see who's really there
And you'll finally be okay with me
And I'll hear your stories
That fill your sad eyes
When you had raven hair
Hold your head up high
I know that I've been ruthless
I've been ruthless
Go on dry your eyes
You know that I've forgiven you and I'm sorry
And everything till now
It wasn't that bad really
Beautiful lady
Go on dry your eyes
Hey you finally see me - hi
And I see you
And everything till now
It wasn't that bad really
Beautiful lady
Go on dry your eyes
You know that I've forgiven you and I'm sorry
And everything till now
It wasn't that bad really
Beautiful lady
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
What a STUPID Question
Taylor calls today. I am eating lunch so she says she will call back because she "has something important to talk about". Figuring she is going to tell me she is pregnant again I press her to talk....Her next question totally knocks me for a loop.
"How's your credit?"
At first I didn't think I had heard her right. I'm like "It's fine, why?"
She continues "Will you co-sign for a house for us?"
I would like EVERYONE reading this to know that my response to her did not contain one, NOT ONE, four letter word in it... Aren't you impressed? Even though I wanted to say "What the hell do you mean will I co-sign for you? You can't find gas money on a GOOD day let alone pay a mortgage and you want me to ruin my credit for you too? You stupid ass selfish pain in the ass - HELL NO I won't sign for you."
But - I didn't say any of that. I did laugh though. I couldn't help myself. I told her there was NO WAY I was co-signing for anything for her and that I didn't think it was a very good idea for her to try and get a mortgage payment on top of the problems she already has. Inside I was screaming my fool head off though. What a dumb ass. What the hell is she thinking? And did she really, truly believe I would say yes?
Sometimes I swear she isn't mine. If she didn't have that damn birthmark on the top of her head that was so prominent when she was born, I would swear they switched her with some other person's child. Someone who didn't have a lick of common sense, the IQ of a squirrel and the personality to match... I swear, I can't believe the stuff that comes out of her mouth sometimes. It makes me SO MAD..... What do you say to a kid that is so clueless???
The conversation was short and sweet. I popped a Xanax as soon as I hung up the phone. One of these days I am just going to start drinking around the clock so I am ready for when this stuff comes at me.
I got some really cool boots at Kohl's on my lunch too and she RUINED my good mood..Dumb ass.
"How's your credit?"
At first I didn't think I had heard her right. I'm like "It's fine, why?"
She continues "Will you co-sign for a house for us?"
I would like EVERYONE reading this to know that my response to her did not contain one, NOT ONE, four letter word in it... Aren't you impressed? Even though I wanted to say "What the hell do you mean will I co-sign for you? You can't find gas money on a GOOD day let alone pay a mortgage and you want me to ruin my credit for you too? You stupid ass selfish pain in the ass - HELL NO I won't sign for you."
But - I didn't say any of that. I did laugh though. I couldn't help myself. I told her there was NO WAY I was co-signing for anything for her and that I didn't think it was a very good idea for her to try and get a mortgage payment on top of the problems she already has. Inside I was screaming my fool head off though. What a dumb ass. What the hell is she thinking? And did she really, truly believe I would say yes?
Sometimes I swear she isn't mine. If she didn't have that damn birthmark on the top of her head that was so prominent when she was born, I would swear they switched her with some other person's child. Someone who didn't have a lick of common sense, the IQ of a squirrel and the personality to match... I swear, I can't believe the stuff that comes out of her mouth sometimes. It makes me SO MAD..... What do you say to a kid that is so clueless???
The conversation was short and sweet. I popped a Xanax as soon as I hung up the phone. One of these days I am just going to start drinking around the clock so I am ready for when this stuff comes at me.
I got some really cool boots at Kohl's on my lunch too and she RUINED my good mood..Dumb ass.
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